THIS right here! One of the most challenging parts of my journey with this rare mitochondrial disease was understanding for MYSELF ho my illness affects my neuro-chemistry… and trying to explain it to others in my life.
Even though I am chronically ill, even though I often feel pretty much like dirt, and have nearly daily pain… I still WANT to be happy, and I know and DO all of the things to help ward off depression like I am ‘supposed-to’… I write daily, I meditate daily, I eat 100% fresh, clean healthy food, I get sunlight everyday, I exercise everyday, I follow a regular meal routine, I kill it with my evening sleep routine, I stay in contact with friends and family regularly, I pray, hard, everyday multiple times a day, I do work everyday I am passionate about, I have a wonderful supportive relationship and beautiful pets… and you know what… I still have days where life just feels IMPOSSIBLE because I am so full of anxiety or depression!
What I have come to learn is that for many people with chronic illness, especially if the illness has any direct physiological affect on the brain, you can do all the right things, but you can still suffer greatly with your brain regulation and moods. After many long years of battling this illness, this is just a part of the journey I have come to accept, I will have days where I feel ‘myself’ which is typically a pretty motivated, disciplined, go-getter, optimistic kind of person, and then there are days where I feel like some rotten, foul garbage has been lodged up in my brain… and that is just the way it will be, and it doesn’t mean that I am not doing anything wrong, or not ‘trying hard enough’ to be happy, or contented, or grateful, or whatever it is someone thinks I should be… it is because my brain neuro chemistry is just off for a bit of time, and just like when a rainy day comes by, there isn’t anything more I can do, but to wait it out.
If this is you as well, I see you, I understand, it is okay my friend, you are doing great!
Comments