this is a skill I’ve learned to improve in my 16 years of illness… in American society we are so often made to think that independence is a great achievement… something to continually strive for. In reality, none of us are independent, we all need love, support, nurturing, family, community… it is hard-wired in us… and some of us simply need a bit more of it all than others and that is VERY okay.
A few things I have learned about asking for help from others that has been very helpful:
1. Ask for help in things you know that person likes to do - this will make them more likely to say yes to help, and be supportive in that area long-term. For example, one of my support people loves to drive so I ask her to do grocery shopping and errands for me, while another family member hates driving and is great with technology so I ask for support in that area when I have a need.
2. Be specific… asking if the person can do a specific task, on a specific day (if applicable), and let them know how long you will need support in this area. The more specific and clear you are the easier for them and better chance of you getting the help you need.
3. Don’t rely on just ONE person! This is a mistake I have made in the past is asking too much of one person in my life… as much as someone may love you - we are all humans and all have our limits and all can burn-out. It is best to spread out your asks… don’t be afraid to ask extended family, friends, co-workers, people form your church. You would be surprised how often people truly do want to help but often are not sure how and too shy to ask first!
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