Chronic Illness is an on-going Grief!

Chronic illness grief is also what is considered a ‘dis-enfranchised grief’ because unlike the grief in the loss of a job, a lover, a beloved pet, or even a family or friend, other people in our lives do not understand the grief of chronic illness and therefore are unable to offer any type of emotional support for our pain and losses. Instead we often will receive completely unhelpful advise such as “just continue to think positive”, or “you just have to look at the things you can do, not hat you can’t do”, or the famous “cheer-up, some people have it much worse, some people can’t even… insert any various ability…” could you imagine if people acted like this when we lost a beloved family member and said things such as “just continue to think positive and you‘ll be fine”, or “just think of all the things they don’t have to do now, like pay bills”, or “cheer-up, it could be worse, think of the people who’ve lost their entire family in an accident.” Of course none of those sentiments will be a tiny bit helpful to a person grieving the loss of a loved one, and although some people may not be better equipped to be a support than that, many people are more versed in grief support for the more ‘typical’ losses in life, as well as various bereavement support groups and trained grief therapists.

It will be hard to find the right support people for your chronic illness grief, but it is very important to help you in the process. Seek out support groups for others living with your similar condition, research therapists in your area who are specialized in chronic illness support, talk to your local pastor, or other spiritual leader, read books on grief, try daily grief journaling, or even art therapy to help get the feelings out. In my experience, unless someone receives a cure for their illness, this grief will be ongoing and unresolved, but you can learn in time to live a life filled with happiness and joy despite it. You will learn to balance your life with gratitude and joy of the things you can do and experience still in your life, and making new memories and the gift of tie spent with those you love, all while holding onto your cup of grief throughout it all.