For many with chronic illness GUILT is as much a daily struggle as is the symptoms of the illness itself. We are plagued with guilt over not being able to be the best parent’s we want to be missing out on graduations, birthday celebrations, and being able to engage as our hearts wish we could. Perhaps we are struggling to keep up with house chores and feel the guilt of having a messy house and not being able to share in equal responsibilities with our partners/spouses. Guilt of not being able to be well enough to care for aging grandparents or parents, as we wish we could, guilt of not being able to have gainful employment and the financial limitations that come along with chronic illness. Guilt that we can’t will ourselves to be better, we can’t push ourselves to complete tasks when our bodies refuse, guilt that last treatment we tried didn’t work, those supplements or medication we tried did not lend a cure… everywhere we turn guilt is in our view.
While guilt still pops up its ugly head from time to time for me, over the last 16 years I have learned some great ways to combat guilt in my life… by honoring myself and loving myself, and always treating myself with respect and kindness in all situations, by openly communicating with all in my life, being very clear on what I can and can’t do with my bodies abilities, and give updates on if I am having a better day ask what would be most helpful to them for me to help with. At the end of the day I list out all the productive things I WAS able to do for myself and my partner to help keep a good perspective on the positive achievements of the day versus the lack of things completed. I also remind myself that none of this is my fault, I know I never chose illness, no one ever does, and it is also not my fault that my country (US) offers such limited support for it’s chronically-ill citizens. Just like all other symptoms on this journey, it is a constant battle, but I have spent far too much time previously in guilt-land and I refuse to spend another willing minute there for a situation in which there is very little I can do to control. I hope you will find some of my guilt-busting tools helpful!
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