I have missed everything from holidays, birthdays, family reunions, baby showers, weddings, and the hardest of all was being too sick to be at the bedside of my grandmother while she was passing.
Feeling angry and frustrated by this is normal, yet not helpful. Here are some ways I have learned to cope with missing out through the years:
- I ask friends/family to include me in events via face-time or zoom whenever possible.
- I wrie letters to friends and family, (even if they do not write back), writing to them helps me to feel connected to them in this way I am able to connect.
- I have a friend of mine who travels to foreign countries (I am in the US) and I asked him to bring a photo of me along and he puts my photo in various places along his travels and takes pictures of it to send back to me and it feels up-lifting like a piece of myself were in fact there.
- I’ve spent time cultivating relationships with my friends children, sending them small gifts or letters/pictures, always letting them know I am here if they ever need someone to talk to.
- I do my best to live as “normal” as possible for someone my age (39)… I am blessed to have a committed long term relationship and a home so I focus on caring for my partner, my home, and my pets each day and I also have a computer-based part-time job that I do my best to log at least 4 hours to each day 6 days per week.
- I watch my mental state closely and I do not scroll through my social accounts, and avoid social media all together on days when my mood is extremely challenged… and I have a list of pre-planned ‘safe’ things to watch on TV or activities to engage in on very low mood days.
- I meditate everyday focusing on the word ‘release’ and I practice releasing the pain, resentment, and any other negative emotion that I am feeling in that day related to the loss of the life I wanted, the life I had planned for. This is a challenge at times for sure but has truly helped me keep a more positive mood and mind-frame and to find gratitude in the life I am currently living and let go of the pain of what I thought would be.
I hope you find some help in my words today my friend.
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