One of the MOST painful lessons I learned when chronic illness took over my life is that not everyone will stay! Once I couldn’t be the fun outgoing woman I had used to be and meet friends out for dinner after work, happy hour, or fun weekend outings to the beach or shopping… many… most… just disappeared. For years I pushed myself far beyond my body and minds capabilities enduring great amounts of pain, fatigue, or anxiety trying to stay in these peoples lives because the thought of being isolated scared me so greatly. In the end, I lost them anyway, I just simply couldn’t keep up, couldn’t be enough of what they wanted and needed of a friend in their lives. I can to realize these people did not truly value who I was in the friendship, the more valued the companionship, the good time and distraction from daily life sh$t.
Others left because they emotionally could not handle the reality of watching a person loose their career, loose their health, loose their ability to be an independent adult, and the fear it insights in them of their own capabilities and mortality. In the end, I am left with the very few people who truly valued me for who I am, love me without the conditions of what I am or not able to do, and who are strong enough souls to bear a relationship where the person they care for is continually suffering. I know it is a very tough road, and I am sorry if you are today finding yourself going down a similar path as I did, but just know it really is all okay, don’t fight for those who are not fighting for you, and know you will have people in your life who are the very Best kind though they may be few. Learn to befriend the loneliness… for better or worse it will always be there for you.
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