Having a lasting committed, healthy, romantic relationship can be a challenge for anyone, but there can be a whole new world of challenges for those of us living with chronic illness or disability. Being chronically ill for 16 years now and having been in two significant long-term relationships here are some things I have learned along the way:
1. Be vulnerable - if you are not vulnerable and real about what you are experiencing physically or emotionally, you miss a chance for your partner to connect with you.
2. Be willing to be the one to start the tough conversations - in general, no one likes to do this, and a relationship navigating through chronic illness probably needs more than the average number of tough conversations, so give your partner the gift of being the one to initiate.
3. Therapy - seek therapy for yourself as an individual, and gently try to persuade your partner to do the same, as well as have a good couples therapist on board for your both. As life with chronic illness can be very challenging, and traumatic, you might be surprised just how much this additional support is needed and helpful.
4. Take on all tasks you CAN do - often a person with a chronic illness ends up needing additional physical support from their partner, and this can create a build-up of resentment. Be certain that you are communicating about responsibilities to each other and the household in general frequently and offer to do more than your ‘fair-share’ to help off-set the tasks. For example, if you can’t maintain the grass, or have the vehicles oil changed, or take the dog on the morning walk, offer if you can pay all the bills online for the household, and even any personal bills for your partner, or to help them with personal phone calls through the week. This will make a BIG difference and your partner will truly appreciate your concern to help them however you can.
5. Communicate - just like your body requires a lot more time and attention due to your chronic illness, your relationship is also going to require a lot more time and attention than the average relationship with two healthy people.
Love is HARD with chronic illness, but WORTH the effort!
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