A healthy romantic relationship requires two people who put equal amounts of energy into one another, to support and love one another. When chronic illness is a part of the relationship, this natural flow dynamic becomes hugely disrupted and can cause extreme pressure on the relationship as so much time, energy, effort, patience, attention is put into the person who is struggling against daily health challenges. I have battled this for 16 years now, and I while it is hard, it is not impossible, and I have learned some very valuable things which have helped. If you are the person in the relationship with a chronic illness, your health typically may require an unequal distribution of physical help from your partner, so here are some ways you can help reverse that imbalance: 1. Be the one who is willing to start the difficult conversations for your relationship. 2. Be the one who makes the phone calls/ searches for home-repair maintenance when required. 3. Be the person who meets with the service professional when they come to the house. 4. Be the one who keeps your pet’s and children’s medical and dental appointments scheduled and organized, even if you are often not the one well enough to take them, keeping up with the coordination is a big help. 5. Create good systems for your household to stay organized and functional, anywhere you can create more calm, and reduce chaos the better for yourself and your partner. 6. If you are well enough, do all the household dishes and laundry to help even out the other heavy-duty house chores you can’t accomplish. 7. Do the errands if/when you can. 8. Be the one who offers to research that new household appliance needed. 9. If you are not well enough to make dinner for your partner, offer to place the online order to their favorite restaurant. 10. Surprise them regularly with something the love, doesn’t have to be expensive… a candle, a book, some bath salts, favorite candy bar, a love note… little regular things which let them know how much you are thinking of them! Get support of a trained couples therapist… navigating chronic illness and relationships can be a real challenge and a professional can really help!
